It's over.

Style of your hair
Shape of your eyes and your nose
The way you stare..
As if you see, right through to my soul

Its your left hand and the way
that its not quite as big as your right
The way you stand in the mirror..
Before we go out at night

A quiet time...your beautiful mind..
They're a part of the list
Things that I miss...
Things like your, funny little laugh
The way you smile or the way we kiss

What I noticed is this..
I come up with
something new, every single time
That I sit an reminisce

The way you sweet smell
lingers when you leave a room (you leave a room)
Stories you tell as we lay
in bed all afternoon (all afternoon)

I dreamed you now every night
in my mind is where we meet (in my mind is where we meet)
and when I'm awake
staring at pictures of you asleep

Touching your face....invading your space
They're a part of the list
Things that I miss...
Things like your, funny little laugh
The way you smile or the way we kiss

And you'll live in my...
memories, forever more I swear.
Part of the List - Ne-Yo

Things that I miss. I miss alot, countless even, the amazing clarity of my memories when I thought that they would have been blurred now by the passing of time. Then again, I have some of them on black and white, locked up where no one can find them. I'm tempted to open it up, read them again, just to relish the feelings, but it won't do me any good now. Especially now. Maybe later, when I'm able to actually think things through without tearing, without... feeling. I made a decision, and I resolved to stick by it, but I feel that resolve crumbling, shattering into pieces everytime you talk to me. Maybe that move was dumb, but it may be for the better. It was cruel, but it was hell for me. No one will ever know anyway. Just like that, I cut off my confidant, when I so desperately need one now. I tried searching for your replacement, but no one ever fit. Yesterday was especially hard. I wanted to just.. rant/spill everything out. Then I realised, there was no one for me to do that to. Si's not in the country. You're gone. And so what do I do now?

I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script

I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
And when I lose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new
Through the monsoon.
Just me and you.
Monsoon - Tokio Hotel

I wanna get back
To the old days
When the phone would ring
And I knew it was you
I wanna talk back
And get yelled at
Fight for nothing
Like we used to
Oh, kiss me
Like you mean it
Like you miss me
Cause I know that you do
I wanna get back
Get back
With you
Get Back - Demi Lovato

See my conflict now?