'Cause I'm not coming back,
I'm closing the door.
SHERYL.
21031991.amkss. CJC 4/1 1T16 HSC AV<3
21031991.
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Friday, April 21, 2006, 7:25 PM
i feel lethargic. lost. depressed. soul-less. lifeless. i don't know my direction in life anymore. in studies, i'm struggling. everyone is poking fun at me. there is only a certain level to what a person can take. i fear my limit is coming soon.i will break down when that time arrives. i don't want that time to come. i want to be cheerful again but a part of me likes the darkness. i'm caught in the middle. that very grey area.
wt wants to jump. but i'm not sucidal. there's too many things in life i haven't experienced. the sunrise, the sunset. a meteor shower. just spending a day at the beach, enjoying the breeze. no worries. just a carefree day.
i appear carefree, cheerful and not have a care in my studies but get pretty good grades anyway. but. every test i fail or come close to failing is a blow to the gut. i'm struggling. i don't get log, or surds. or kinematics. or ionic equations. i don't want to lose. so i struggle harder. maybe one day i'll just give up and drown. who will save me then?
alot of things are expected of me. they weigh me down. i have high expectations of myself. but every blow is crippling me. someone.....
save me. pls..